I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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