Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
