Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
