Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
pop tarts are not kleenex
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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