You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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