i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
