wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
