wat bout pragnant strippers??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
