I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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