Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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