so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
