i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
