do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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