I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
