Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize