too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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