oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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