ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
no, he came in my armpit
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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