you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
