Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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