Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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