well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize