She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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