are you still at the devil's house?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
