fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
