I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
