the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
