you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
