I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
