sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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