We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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