you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
