Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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