To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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