This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
