you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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