I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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