I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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