3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
