Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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