Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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