woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
