he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
