Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
