I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
where does the pee come out of this thing
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
