You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
