Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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