Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
smell my finger.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
