I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you had me at cake vodka
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
