using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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