I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
