What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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