my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
