I hate all girls vehemently.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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