A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We need to get me chipped asap
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
