I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
