you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
