Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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