I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize