i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
