I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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