But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
