Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
