Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize