He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
