I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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