Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
