i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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