My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
