he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
