I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
