That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
