I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
A+ Viking dick
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
