i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
