We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
