just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
