You don't have asthma, your pregnant
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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