he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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