Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize